by Mason Edwards, Chattanooga Times Free Press
When Carrie Bourgo's toddler had a tantrum and swung his fists at her, she instinctively scooped him up to spank him — but froze. "Wait a second, I'm about to smack this kid and tell him we don't hit," she remembers. "That doesn't make any sense."
More than a decade later, Bourgo says that day was the turning point in her life — a shift toward finding a parenting style that aligned with her values.
For many parents, the search for successful parenting knowledge feels endless. Books, blogs and social media offer a never-ending library's worth of advice, yet there's no definitive guide to raising children. Through conversations with local parents, four prominent approaches emerged: authoritative, negotiation, gentle and go-with-the-flow parenting. While no self-professed "helicopter parents" volunteered to step forward (a missed opportunity for sure), these shared perspectives provide a snapshot of the joys and challenges of parenting in 2025.
Authoritative Parenting: Discipline, Boundaries and Structure
As a father of a 4-year-old son and with a daughter on the way, Bently Bamburg's long-term goal is to raise disciplined, confident and kind children who are prepared for the real world. By balancing structure with support, he hopes to equip them with the tools to grow into responsible, well-adjusted adults. "Kids actually strive for discipline," he explains. "They need structure — it makes them feel more comfortable knowing where those boundaries are."
Bamburg's approach focuses on consistency and follow-through. For example, if his son misbehaves at the zoo or aquarium, they leave immediately. "You have to follow through with consequences," he says. "Otherwise, they'll know you'll give up after 10 minutes."
But authoritative parenting isn't all about rules — it's also about instilling social skills and compassion. Bamburg takes pride in raising a well-mannered son who earns compliments in public, but he also treats his son for good behavior. "I think it's important to be both a parent and friend to your kid," he says. "You have to reward them when they're being good and then be firm with them when they're acting out."
Negotiation Parenting: Finding Common Ground
While it's not her primary parenting style, Melissa Laseter embraces negotiation for chores and errands to keep the peace with her two sons, ages 14 and 12. When they were younger, she would ask, "If you guys can keep it together so we can go to these three stores, what would it take?" Their requests were always modest — like pizza for dinner. "That was probably going to happen anyway," Laseter says with a laugh.
However, not everything is up for debate. Laseter says that having your children respect you enough to have a healthy fear of your authority as a parent is healthy. "There are a lot of things [in parenting] that are non-negotiable," she explains.
She also emphasizes the importance of recognizing when kids have hit their limit, or, as she calls it, "learning the art of when to leave." If her children show signs that they're running out of steam, she adjusts. "It's about being mindful of what they need and what they're capable of, without giving them a free pass."
Ultimately, Melissa's goal is to raise adults she enjoys being around. "A friend of mine told me a long time ago that you'll be connected to your children as adults far longer than when they're children," she says. "So I'm not just raising kids — I'm raising grownups."
Gentle Parenting: Building Trust and Emotional Vulnerability
For Bourgo, a homeschooling mother of three, gentle parenting is about nurturing her children's potential through emphasizing empathy and understanding. She guides her children through challenges rather than punishing them. Bourgo's proudest parenting moment came when her home transitioned from tension to trust. "My kids are never 'in trouble' with me," she says. "We have boundaries, but they're used to guide them — not punish or make them feel worse."
Initially, her children were used to stricter discipline. "It was messy at first," Bourgo admits. "But over time, we rebuilt trust, and the atmosphere in our home shifted dramatically."
By creating a home environment grounded in trust and empathy, Bourgo says she has seen her children thrive. "Children need to know they're safe with you," she explains. "If they're afraid, they won't come to you when they're in trouble — they'll seek advice elsewhere."
Go With the Flow: Every Child is Different
Tara Stafford, a mother of three children, says parenting is about learning as you go, embracing that every child — and parent — grows differently. With her first child, Stafford admits she was determined to be the "mother of the year," filling a baby book with photos and milestones. "For the second, we bought a book, but we didn't put anything in it," she says. "For the third, we didn't even buy one."
Stafford became more open to negotiation, especially with her youngest child, who knows which buttons to push and likes to hibernate in her room. Her youngest seems to listen to her father, yet she questions everything that Stafford tells her. Her daughter gives her a "Why?" or "Why not?" in response to every display of authority, until Stafford finally finishes by yelling. In those moments, Stafford says it's important to create space. "You have to take a shower, go into your room or watch reality TV," she says. "Otherwise, it escalates and gets worse."
After growing up in a household that didn't exchange hugs or say "I love you," Stafford believes her greatest parenting victory was fostering an emotionally open family. "It sounds kind of silly, but when you have a teenage son yelling 'I love you' across the house, it's meaningful," Stafford reflects. "We broke that cycle of no emotion."
While these parents highlight distinct parenting styles, many blend the best elements from multiple styles, drawing from life experiences, family traditions and advice from friends and colleagues. Professionals, like board-certified cognitive specialist and owner of LearningRx Chattanooga, Michelle Davis, recommend holistic approaches to parenting and child development.
Davis encourages parents to embrace natural consequences and reframe mistakes as essential opportunities for growth. "It is very important to help children understand that not only are mistakes not a problem, but they are an awesome and vital part of the learning process," she explains. "When we foster this mindset, develop strong thinking skills and make every environment one of learning — for ourselves included — we are setting our children up for true success."
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o learn more about LearningRx Chattanooga, visit learningrx.com/chattanooga-east.
Parental Deceptions: The Best Bribes, White Lies and Partial Truths
"McDonald's ran out of chicken nuggets."
"Fornite shuts off at 8 p.m."
When kids don't accept no for an answer, some parents rely on a healthy mixture of creativity and improvisation to respond. Even though professionals agree that excessively lying to your kids is not a good tactic for building trust, we know most parents occasionally rely on the harmless white lie to smooth over a tantrum, encourage good behavior or buy a few fleeting moments of peace. These fibs, bribes, white lies, partial truths, deceptions — whatever you call them — make for cherished family stories and inside jokes.
Inventive Food and Chore Bribes
It's a constant battle to encourage kids to eat more than chicken nuggets and french fries, but Jalina Perkins devised a creative way to get her three kids, ages 8, 5 and 3, to eat more veggies at their home in Hixson. "My kids wouldn't eat bell peppers until we told them each color had a special power: red for speed, orange for ninja powers, and yellow for strength," Perkins says.
For Perkins, white lies should serve a purpose, a greater good beyond helping the parent. Yes, even though telling her kids that they have to clean up their toys — otherwise a "cleanup monster" will eat them — helps manage her workload, it also teaches them valuable skills. "Deceptions are tools to help kids develop good habits," she says. "The peppers taught them to eat healthily, and the 'cleanup monster' we invented taught them to value their toys. It's all about teaching life lessons in a fun way."
Bathtime Backfired
Tara Stafford's tall tales didn't always work out — like when her son stayed in the tub too long, and she told him about "old man hands" and how they'd become permanent. "That one backfired," she says. "He cried for an hour to 'get the wrinkles off' and wouldn't take a bath again for two weeks!"
Bedtime Bluffs
Diane Bishop moved to Dayton, Tennessee, from New York City in 2021. In the city that never sleeps, it had taken serious effort to get her daughter to believe in bedtime. Once, she told her daughter that "the mayor said bedtime is 8 p.m." and had her mom call and pretend to be the mayor. "I kinda felt a little naughty doing it, but I was exhausted," Bishop says.
Bishop learned deception from her mom, who "took pride in never letting a kid get the best of her," and she found it helped her both as a kindergarten teacher and a mother. "Part of the beauty of having 4-year-olds is their endless imagination. It's a magical thing, just as long as you're not scaring anyone."
Running Errands, Not Running Over Kids
If a neighbor or pet passes away, Melissa Laseter says euphemisms and partial truths make topics easier for children to understand. "Sometimes you tell a partial truth, like 'We're going to Walmart' without mentioning the five other stops," Laseter says. "Is that a lie, or a strategy? It depends, but it's often about making things easier for everyone."
Other times, parents will lie in a child's best interest, like Bently Bamburg from Dayton, who wanted his children to understand that parking lots are not safe. His mom first told him that if "kids [are] running in the parking lot," to "point out an oil spot and say that was Jimmy [who got squished by a car] when he wasn't holding his parent's hand in the parking lot."
A Cautionary Tale
Even though these inventive parents have fun stories, every one of them knows when to draw the line: A deception's size and scope do matter. For Laseter, stretching the truth ever so slightly doesn't constitute lying. "It's about good intention," she says. "But secrets, especially ones tied to something harmful, are dangerous."
Still, several parents outright refuse truth-bending with their kids. "I was always honest, gave them the real reason," Lynn St. Pierre from Spring City says. "Why make stuff up? It will only make your kids not trust you."
Michelle Davis, a local board-certified cognitive specialist, recognizes that some white lies can be harmless and playful, but she emphasizes integrity in communication. "Being impeccable with your word is vital," she says. "Lying can carry over into your child's perception of honesty as acceptable."
By convincing kids that Chuck E. Cheese permanently shut down after the pandemic or that eating yogurt will help their daughter's hair grow long like a princess's, parents might make their lives a little easier. But a child's imagination won't last forever, and Google exists now, so if you want to create a few treasured and somewhat mischievous family memories before your kid catches on, go ahead and use your deceptions — but do so wisely.
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